shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
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my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low