Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me