Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
only you would photoshop your dick
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
