The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
