I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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