Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
