David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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