You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
