FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
