Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
