I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I enjoy the company of your penis
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