but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
