You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
