Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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