My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
