Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
