She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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