haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
