I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
