just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
