I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
