I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
