im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
