She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
