I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
