wat bout pragnant strippers??
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we're so committed to being not committed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
