people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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