Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
