yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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