I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
