i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
