Soap is not a condiment
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
