Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
