he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
