I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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