Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
