i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
