I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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