I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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