Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
