my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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