why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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