tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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