Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
