yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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