Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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