I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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