I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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