There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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