so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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