she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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