all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
