Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
