I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize