she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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