youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
