I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
