The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
