i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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