Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
