You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is my gift to your gina
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
