I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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