I hate your face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want to make out with him forever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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