Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
