i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
