I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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