I wannas sexs uuuuu
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
