I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
