he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
