You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
