My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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