U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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