im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
