No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
